Carissa. 16, college-bound sophmore, Scorpio, over-stressed, marine biology
major wannabe, anime fanatic, jrock-crazed fangirl, addicted to
What
Not to Wear and
Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.
hide, Dir en grey, Malice Mizer,
SID, Alice Nine, Plastic Tree, Moi Dix Mois, X Japan, Kishidan,
Antique Cafe,
Kagrra, Miyavi, DBSK, Super Junior, Despair'sRay, Gackt, Hyde, many more.
Shane-y's blog
Lovely Bunni's blog
This layout was created by
kogoroshi. This layout features the late musician Hide, the ex-guitarist of X Japan and solo artist. The image was edited using Photoshop CS with the aid of brushes from
1,
2, and
3.
| Sunday, November 12, 2006 |
Wow.
I haven't posted
in a very long time.
But I figured
I'd go ahead
since my life sucks
so hard
right now.
I'm homeschooled.
Because Mom won't
let me go back to Doss.
Albeit,
it was my idea to leave.
But when I got a feel
of how much worse off
I was not going to Doss,
I asked to go back.
And she said, "No."
So,
there's no more Doss.
No more lunch with
two of my closest friends.
No more bus rides home
cracking up with
another of my closest friends.
I had FINALLY found
good, well-rounded,
nice people
who liked me for me
and actually wanted to spend
time with me
whenever they could
and I had it ripped from me.
I had good friends.
I still have them, yeah.
But I don't get to talk to
them like I used to.
Unfair.
So, yes.
I spend every single day baby-sittng
Kasia.
I spend everyday worrying
about not being able to see
anyone at all over the weekend
because, if I'm not around to be included in plans,
I won't be included at all.
And I hate that.
It scares me, you know?
Because...
if everyone I was close to
before
get close to each other...
they won't need me...
On top of all of this crazy
"being left out" shit,
Katie keeps saying I don't want
to be her friend
because I don't ever call.
No one understands how hard
it is
to listen to someone complain
about their school day
when I would give anything
to switch places with them.
You know the stupid part about it all?
Katie doesn't ever call
me.
I'm constantly sitting around,
waiting on the phone to ring
or a good show that
has nothing to do with
teenagers trying to make it
through highschool to come on
the television
and the only time the phone -does-
ring,
it's Cristina.
Because, frankly, as far as I can see,
she's the only one left that
reallywants to be my friend.
She's trying
with everything in her
not to make this the end of our relationship.
But, when my life is going down the drain,
when I'm the one in the middle of a crisis,
when I'm the one who doesn't want to
wake up in the morning because I know
that they only friend I'll see
is my mom,
I'm also the one being
stabbed through the heart because
I'm the one, apparently,
who doesn't want to be anyone's friend.
UNFAIR.
I know,
I'll feel bad if Katie
ever reads this,
but it's how I feel.
And she should know that
she isn't the only one
with problems
who needs someone to call
and make the connection.
She isn't the only one...
| Girl of Nothing but Grays 8:38 AM |
