Carissa. 16, college-bound sophmore, Scorpio, over-stressed, marine biology
major wannabe, anime fanatic, jrock-crazed fangirl, addicted to
What
Not to Wear and
Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.
hide, Dir en grey, Malice Mizer,
SID, Alice Nine, Plastic Tree, Moi Dix Mois, X Japan, Kishidan,
Antique Cafe,
Kagrra, Miyavi, DBSK, Super Junior, Despair'sRay, Gackt, Hyde, many more.
Shane-y's blog
Lovely Bunni's blog
This layout was created by
kogoroshi. This layout features the late musician Hide, the ex-guitarist of X Japan and solo artist. The image was edited using Photoshop CS with the aid of brushes from
1,
2, and
3.
Yeah.
So I'm having a few difficulties with life.
Not that I can't handle them.
It's just that...
it's hard...
I had this really great friend, right?
And we kept getting into fights.
At first, I was all,
best friends get into fights
all of the time.
So it's okay.
But it kept happening.
Every week, we were in an argument.
Every single week.
It got to the point where
I didn't want to talk to her
because I would say something wrong
or she would.
And we'd fight.
So...
A couple of arguments later,
and I'm completely fed up.
I don't want to be around someone
that I can't be civil with, ya'know?
Well, this last fight we had...
It was the last straw for me.
I was done.
Didn't care what anyone thought
or said to me.
I was just... done.
Which wouldn't be so bad...
but someone (I name no names)
has told me that she's holding
this huge grudge against me
and hates my guts.
But I'm being the bigger person.
I said, "Okay.
I'm not going to be
a bitch in this situation.
We aren't going to be friends
but I'm not going to talk about her behind
her back. Not like she's
doing to me."
I don't care who I'm talking to,
I don't talk about people like that.
I don't like it.
And I don't like it when other people do.
I clam up and get quiet.
And usually, I'll just give short answers.
Like, "Yeah." and "I know."
Because, hey, for all I know,
if someone's willing to talk about someone
behind their back,
what qualms would they have
with talking about me...?
None.
Which is why I don't like it.
So, yes.
I'm without one friend.
But... frankly...
I'm kind of okay with it...
Every friendship is doomed to end
at some point.
So this one ended before anyone
seriously got hurt.
What's the harm in that?
On to other topics,
Cristina asked me if I felt
guilty about anything I've done recently.
And, of course, I don't.
Because I haven't done anything wrong.
Which made me think,
why would she even ask?
Which also reminded me,
she's been talking to my boyfriend lately.
Not that I care.
I know Cristina better
than anyone
and I know she would
-never- even -think- about hurting me.
So, I don't mind.
But it's the fact that...
He may have told her to ask me.
Which would piss me off so much.
If you can't talk to me...
What's the point in having a relationship?
He was over the other day.
And he goes, "Guess what."
Naturally, I asked, "What?"
And he says, "I love you."
And I'm all, "Well, you better."
And he thinks I'm trying to say,
in some amazing female language
that I don't feel the same.
And he says, "You know,
if you don't feel the same,
don't lie to yourself.
You don't have to say it back to me."
So I go, "Okay."
It isn't that I don't.
It's just the fact that
I don't need to be reassured of someone's
feelings for me every fifteen minutes.
I want to know that,
if we should break up,
I can rely on myself.
And not need to constantly
hear that someone loves me.
I mean, great.
Lovely.
Maybe I love you, too.
But I don't feel the need to have
to say it all of the time.
Goodbye, sure.
I love you.
But not, hey, there's a blank
in the conversation.
I love you.
That makes it kind of cheap, ya'know?
I know I'm only in high school
and I'm still a kid myself
but I don't want to be treated like a little girl.
>____<
I don't know.
I'm not even sure if I'm actually mad about this.
I'm just pissed off all together.
But I'm really excited at the moment
for Bunni. ^_^
She's going to a birthday party of a
girl she has a crush on
and I'm so excited for her...
I hope everything works out for her,
I really, really do.
Love ya, Bunni!
And to anyone who actually reads this bull.
Thanks. It means a lot. ^_^
| Girl of Nothing but Grays 8:28 PM |
