Carissa. 16, college-bound sophmore, Scorpio, over-stressed, marine biology
major wannabe, anime fanatic, jrock-crazed fangirl, addicted to
What
Not to Wear and
Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.
hide, Dir en grey, Malice Mizer,
SID, Alice Nine, Plastic Tree, Moi Dix Mois, X Japan, Kishidan,
Antique Cafe,
Kagrra, Miyavi, DBSK, Super Junior, Despair'sRay, Gackt, Hyde, many more.
Shane-y's blog
Lovely Bunni's blog
This layout was created by
kogoroshi. This layout features the late musician Hide, the ex-guitarist of X Japan and solo artist. The image was edited using Photoshop CS with the aid of brushes from
1,
2, and
3.
So it's been a while. A long, long while, in fact. And, finally, I have something to write about. I fucked up. Big time. And, yippe... it's a blog... I think I'll elaborate.
I'll repeat. I FUCKED UP. And... There is no way to explain how sorry I am... I know it was no big deal. Just a small slip up. But... no one understands how bad I feel about it... Okay, on to the explaining. So, I'm kind of upset, right? I have a friend who said something. She swears up and down to my friends that she didn't say it but won't deny it when she talks to me. She just says, "I don't remember saying it". And she's been hurting me so much recently. She's started rumors about me before so I have reason to believe this one. So, we're talking and I'm kind of holding back because I'm still mad. And she goes, "What's wrong with you?" To which I answered, "Nothing." And she goes on to say I'm acting like I'm mad at her. On the other side of the 'net, I'm all, "WHO THE FUCK ISN'T MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW?!" We argue for a minute or two and I block her.
Then, one of my bestfriends tries to get me to unblock her but, hey, I'm done. I'm through. But I'm really worried. Because I don't want her to take the other girl's side. So, I'm talking to my other best friend, Katie about it. And I'm all, "Cristina is the one friend I couldn't survive without" and, while I'm trying to explain why I feel this way, it hits me... I couldn't survive without Katie either... And... it hurt so bad... No one understands how badly I hurt myself ((emotionally, people)) because I said that. I didn't mean it... I mean... I did when I said it. But that was before I really thought about it. And... no matter how much I tried to explain what I was feeling, the more it seemed she couldn't understand or didn't believe it. And it got to the point where the only thing she was saying was, "It's fine." or "Don't worry about it" and I needed to hear something more... So I was all, "Come on, Katie. I need to hear something compassionate. I don't even care if you tell me you hate me. Just something other than 'it's fine' or 'don't worry'." And she says in response, "I could never hate you. Even if you made me cry." Which made me wonder if she was crying. Lord knows, I had been crying since an hour before... But... it hurt... so much... To know that I was the one who made her cry... Because... I love her so much... And I -couldn't- live without her...
And... Katie... if you're reading this... You HAVE to know it's true... It's in my blog... XDD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
| Girl of Nothing but Grays 8:21 PM |
